By the time the wedding reception was done I was more than ready to go back to the hotel. As I exited the reception hall a cool blast of mid October breeze ran over my face. I looked up to see the almost full moon and zipped up my jacket the rest of the way. Winter was just around the corner and soon the last of the leaves would be off the trees. I picked up the pace to the parking ramp to get some relief fom the bitter air.
When I got to the huge spiraling concrete structure that was the parking ramp I was quickly reminded how late it was. The massive structure that was abuzz with people and cars earlier now stood silent. As I took my first few steps into the ramp I could not help but notice the huge echo my dress shoes made on the concrete. As I followed the echo up the first floor I squinted to see what section of the ramp I was now in. I finally got close enough to the sign so that the dim reflection of the few working overhead florescents let me read LEVEL 1 SECTION B. One more level and two more sections to go.
I walked in silence except for the echo of my footsteps. BOOM! A huge sound from a level up. Or was it now a level below me? Wherever it came from it sure made my heart skip a beat. With my newly racing heart and sweaty hands I picked up the pace to a near trot, sure that whatever made the boom would be coming for me. One more section to go.
I was almost running now. The sound of my steps and the drumming of my heart in my ears was like the sound of a freight train. I could see my car in the far off shadows at the end of the section. That's when it happened, a shadow black as the October night I thought I had found refuge from moved from behind the car next to mine. This was it, the moment I was fearing. I swallowed hard and slowed my pace. I began to think of my martial arts techniques. Had I done enough to get me through this situation? Had I trained hard enough? Had I put off the one thing might have saved my life? Had I learned enough?
Was this fictional or real? What ended up happening? Is this in La Crosse? Ugh I hate it when questions are left unanswered. I did not really understand what the topic was going to be in the first paragraph. I finally got close enough to the sign so that the dim reflection of the few working overhead florescents let me read LEVEL 1 SECTION B. The sound of my steps and the drumming of my heart in my ears was like the sound of a freight train. I liked these two sentences a lot they were very descriptive! I think florescents is spelled wrong because it had a red underline when I copied the sentence down to my comment box. I did not see any other misspellings or grammar errors. This essay kept me on the edge of my seat. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteNice discription. I really felt as if I was in the ramp with you. I like how the suspense builds you up then leaves you hanging at the end of the story. I still am stuck on the echo sound an empty ramp can make. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteI at first felt like the story was going in a different direction, then it led up to someone mysterious. I like how you left us hanging. We don't actually know if you had to use your skills or not. Way to keep the reader asking for more.
ReplyDeleteNice ending. It clearly sets the focus on your topic "did I learn enough", not "this one time I beat a guy up bla bla bla". Fresh take on a cliche situation. Very vivid description of the atmosphere and your surroundings, I could hear the echoing footsteps and feel the chilly crisp air in my mind. Well written, great job!
ReplyDeleteExcellent use of description drawing on your topic! You are a natural storyteller but your writing is careful, precise, and practiced. This is a good thing. A great thing, even.
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