Andy
Bush
Instructor
Daykin
Blog
Narrative
9/24/13
The
day of the test was finally here and it was almost time to go for my blue belt
in KyuKi-Do. It was not the test itself that made me nervous-I had tested
before in front of others and knew what to expect. However, this would be the
first time I am required to perform a board break during a test. I had broken boards in class before and for
the most part was successful but, to complete a break in front of a testing panel
full of strangers was a whole new experience, and I was scared.
The
drive to the test took about an hour and I had a lot of time to think about the
outcome of the demonstration. I replayed it over and over in my mind. I
pictured myself at my home gym in the comfort of people I know and would practice
the break repeatedly in my mind. As I got closer to the destination I was
having trouble staying relaxed and focused. My mind began to wander and I began
to wonder who was going to be on the testing board, and what time during the
test would we do our breaks. I was becoming a mess.
I
arrived at the gym and there were already a lot a spectators waiting for the
test to begin. People’s friends and family crammed into the place trying to get
a good seat. I was not on my home turf and the place smelled old and looked
narrow. The mirrors on the wall made it look like there were a thousand people
in the place. At the end of the room were two folding tables set up and about
seven seats for the black belt judges that would fill them. All along the wall
people sat and waited.
As
I got ready in the changing room that was as cramped as the rest of the place,
my heart began to race. Doubts began to fill my thoughts. What would people do
if I missed the break? Would they laugh? Would they sit there in shocked wonder?
What would the testing panel do? Would I fail the test and be told to get out
of there and never come back? I knew that these were foolish thoughts but I couldn’t
help but think I would be the laughing stock of the group.
It
was time to begin the test. About twenty
students and I walked out and addressed the testing board. We were informed
that the break would take place at the end. I had all test to worry about it
now. I went through the first part like a robot, doing the standard punches and
kicks. I was in a trance and all I could think of was the board break that now
I was sure to fail.
The
test was winding down and the break was coming up. I looked around at the other
students. Some seemed indifferent some looked excited and some looked like me-
scared to death. We all lined up in the order in which we were to do our
breaks. I was in the middle of the group. I looked around the room and the
spectators were on the edge of their seats. People were waiting to see success or
failure.
“Mr.
Bush are you ready!”
I
never even looked to hear who said it.
“Yes
sir!” I shouted with false confidence.
“Begin!”
I
looked at the board holders and gave them a nod and they gave me one in return.
I turned, kicked and never even looked at the board. A second later I turned to
look at the board and it was broken in half. My heart leapt up in my chest and almost jumped. I composed myself and went to the end of the line.
The
test came to an end and I had passed. On the drive home I had a while to
reflect on the outcome of the break. I know I would have still passed the test even
if I had not done the break but I also knew the people watching would not have
laughed and life would have gone on, but despite that, I liked the fear. That
fear meant that I cared about what would happen and that I wanted to do well.
When the fear of failure creeps up in me now I remember that it’s good to be
afraid to fail; that fear drives me to do the best I can.
If I may suggest something? The second to last paragraph could use some more description on how you felt during the experience, like maybe drag it out some. But other than that, nice job!
ReplyDeleteGreat job in having a thesis statement in your first paragraph. I picked it out easily that the story was going to be about you getting your blue belt test in kyuki-do. There was a lot of detail in your story, and I couldn't think of any more details to add. “Yes sir!” I shouted with false confidence I believe is a very good sentence that you added because it conveys precisley what you felt. Very good grammer also, but when pausing try and use commas, not -. For example "looked like me- scared to death". Overall I really liked your essay though.
ReplyDeleteI was able to pick out your thesis easily. I thought you had just enough details where I can picture myself within your story. I loved how you describe the surrounds of the place you were getting tested at. You really ended well with the last sentence to your paragraph, "When the fear of failure creeps up in me now I remember that it’s good to be afraid to fail; that fear drives me to do the best I can." One thing I like to point out would be to maybe combine the 1st and sencond sentence to make it clearer to read. I did have to read those two sentence over to understand it. Revise the beginning of paragraph 5, I had to read it slowly to understand what you wanted to point out, maybe try adding a little bit more details or combine the sentences. Otherwise awesome job! I will be enrolling my son into Marital Arts too once he's older, so I'll be looking forward to this.
ReplyDeleteI was excited for you when you broke the board! haha :) i can really relate to your story i myself was in martial arts for a time. Although i never had to break a board for a test i know how nerve racking it can be. Only a few corrections. Paragraph four, "doubts began to fill my head". Paragraph six "Some seemed indifferent some looked excited and some looked like me- scared to death." try a ; or a , instead of the - to give it more of noticable a pause. All in all great story :) can't wait to hear more!
ReplyDeleteI too was kuu yee kudo as it is pronounced also yellow belt, also had to achieve the same merits of award such as breaking boards and using weaponry. Your story does bring back memories although your grammar and structure of sentence and paragraph could use a little work. The story itself was easy for me to relate to. Good work. Robert B.
ReplyDeleteStarting at the beginning, I knew exactly what this was going to be about. You had very good detail in how you felt, I could relate to you with that feeling of nervousness on the way to do something important to you, first thing that pops into my mind is doing a driving test on my motorcycle. You know what you’re doing but still can’t help those nervous feelings. At the part when the judge or instructor said "Mr. Bush are you ready" I could almost hear it in my mind. I did not see any obvious errors or typos. Good job.
ReplyDeleteVery clean writing--excellent description of your emotional journey that day. I liked the word "narrow" and how different the anxiety can be when not, as you say, on your home turf. You say you'd been successful with boards. I wonder, had you ever experienced difficulty breaking the board in class? If yes, that might be a dramatic example to include. Or explain why you think breaking a board in front of this kind of audience is a whole different thing. Think of a movie about any sort of sport--the kid missing the shot in practice, the gymnast falling off the beam prior to competition, the player striking out until the 9th inning. And then--release--success--joy. On a more personal note, you're going through this as an adult. I know a similar feeling, but a bit different. I watch these tests and, god help me, the tournaments as my son goes through the process of testing. I wonder too, what will happen if he misses, if he forgets something, if he doesn't break a board but the other people do? I mostly fear what will happen in his own head, rather than what other people might think or say--I liked how you handled that in this draft. Kyuki-do is the one thing we've seen him truly care about so far. He has a bit of a "surfer-dude" mentality about a lot of things. But we see that he is really passionate about Kyuki-do. Otherwise, I'm not sure my nerves could take it! Your essay strongly reminded me of this whole process. Well done.
ReplyDeleteOver all good essay, I can relate to being nervous about doing new things in front of people. Liked the detail, and it was easy to understand from start to finish.
ReplyDeleteGreat story! I was able to pick out your thesis staement, and knew what your essay was going to be about, in the first paragraph when yout stated you were on your way to test for your blue belt in Kyuki-do. I was able to follow your essay well. I liked it when you said "the mirrors on the wall made it look like there were a thousand peopel in the place". I thought it was very desriptive. I also thought maybe toward the 2nd to last paragraph it may be more effective to use more adjectives to descripe the feeling right before you tested. I thought you did a great job!
ReplyDelete